What Is Submission?

Warning! If you're a normal, thinking woman you will not enjoy this blog post. You might even dislike ME halfway into reading it! Perhaps you will grow red with indignation; maybe your stomach will even churn. (chuckle) But be brave! Press on and read to the end. And please pray that God would create a work in your soul that you are unable to do yourself.

It is with an earnest desire that God would work in the hearts of His dear ladies that I have written this entry and have chosen to share it publicly. It is a work we desperately need Him to do, for the evidence of our need is written plainly on the epistles of our hearts, known and read of all men. Humble yourself as a little child and please let Him do it, for you will be so richly blessed. I can say that because I know. Oh, I know!

Lovingly,

Naomi

We teach little ones the verse, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." (Eph. 6:1) We want them to grow up loving and obeying Daddy and Mommy. Parents tell their children to do this and that, and not to do this and that because they want their children to be happy and safe. The methods of discipline chosen by parents are not pleasant but the goal in mind is good. When a child comes to realize the good purpose of spankings and other forms of discipline, that knowledge will instill in the child a desire and a willingness to obey. The child understands the truth of God's Word: "for this is right." It transforms that child's heart and attitude completely. Happy submission to Daddy and Mommy becomes his response to instruction.

When God established the first institution, the family, He designed it according to a very specific structure. Just as a contractor builds a house according to a well-thought-out plan, God created the home according to how it would best function and endure. We see in chapters five and six of Ephesians that God's structure for the family is God: Christ: husband: wife: children. It only works one way. This structure of authority does not equal various levels of superiority and inferiority, but simply different levels of "say-so."

Girls, what is your heart like? When a situation arises between you and your parents and you disagree with them, what is your response? Are disagreeable words the first thing out of your mouth? Do you resist their counsel and instruction? Is your attitude, "But I'm right; they're so unreasonable; they don't understand"?

As I have grown up, I have struggled with arguing. I have not always seen it as arguing, but my dad is more perceptive than me. =) My logic was that if I did not speak disrespectfully or have a saucy look in my eye, that constituted not arguing, regardless of my disagreeing with him and voicing those opinions. (Ha! Hardly.) I am thankful that whenever we have had a disagreement about something, he has firmly but quietly told me, "Don't argue." Ouch! I would close my mouth at once, but in my heart I would continue arguing. My simmering rebellion evidenced itself in the "silent treatment." Sure, I knew better than to act disrespectful. As I entered my teens I made a commitment to never speak to or treat my parents disrespectfully, and though I have had my failures God by His grace has helped me keep my commitment. But I soon came to learn that disrespect goes far deeper than how you merely treat and respond to your authorities. I finally realized this truth and how it helped me! God started creating a change in my silent rebellious spirit. But there was one thing I still needed to learn.

I believed that when my dad said, "Don't argue," he did not care about my view of the matter in discussion. He wouldn't let me speak up for myself when I felt the situation was unjust. I thought he was being unfair. But as I prayed and struggled and asked the Lord to open my eyes, and continued to obey my daddy by not arguing, the light slowly dawned on my soul. One day it occurred to me that my dad simply wanted peace, and his authority over me as the father to his daughter gave him every right to put an end to my arguing. I finally understood: "My daddy isn't being unfair; he's simply being a peacemaker."

I have struggled so hard with this! I would close my mouth physically, oh sure, but inwardly I would still be arguing, defending myself, and proclaiming the unfairness of it all. I am so glad that in time my Heavenly Father dealt with me -- with two fathers at work on my rotten spirit, a change was pretty inevitable, wouldn't you think? =)

The whole point I'm trying to show you is submission. What is it really? Is it being a doormat, battered and taken for granted? Is it being a quiet church mouse without independent thought or action? Really, what is submission!? Let's take a look in Noah Webster's good old 1828 dictionary and the Holy Word of God.

Submission, n.

1. The act of yielding to authority; surrender of the person and power to the government of another.  

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." (Eph 5:22-24)

Did you know that the moment one man and one woman are married and pronounced man and wife, a miracle takes place? Jesus said that they are no longer two, but one. That is absolutely unexplainable! That is a miracle! And the very same miraculous thing happens in our relationship with our Savior Jesus Christ. Marriage is a picture of our being made one with our Savior. Any picture we see in Scripture that points to Jesus Christ is a sacred, holy thing. In Exodus we read of water that came forth from a rock when Moses smote it with his rod; that Rock was Jesus Christ. A second time the people received water from the Rock, but the second time there was a violation of God's command. It seems like such a simple thing, really -- Moses lost his temper with the people and he smote a rock instead of speaking to it. But it was not just a rock, it was the Rock, a perfect picture of Jesus Christ, and a sacred, holy thing.

Marriage is a sacred, holy thing, a perfect picture that points to Jesus Christ, and it is violated by husbands and wives every day. When they choose their own way and do their own thing, ignoring the clear structure God created for them in His Word, they are just as guilty as Moses when he smote the Rock in the wilderness. What a terrible thing!

It is indisputable. Regardless of what the liberals say, God's Word shall stand. God laid down the perfect law (see Ps. 19:7) in His Word: "Wives, submit yourselves unto your husbands, as unto the Lord", and it means just what it says. Following Christ's example, the husband is the head of the home. Being such, he makes the final decisions and has authority to enforce whatever he believes to be right, just as the Word of God is the church's final authority and ought to govern our lives in every way. The wife's responsibility is to yield her will to her husband who is her rightful authority. It is willingly surrendering any power she has of herself to the government of her husband. (See definition above.)

Let's see what else Mr. Webster has to say about submission.

2. Humble behavior; obedience; compliance.

"And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word." (Luke 1:38)

God's wonderful purpose for the creation of woman was for her to be the completer and help meet of man.  I'm sure we all agree: nothing can bring more fulfillment to us as women than fulfilling God's plan for us. We believe God's good purpose in our hearts -- yet we resist it in our actions. We cannot be a help meet to the men in our lives unless we comply to their plans and decisions. We cannot reverse the order (that is, have our men comply to our plans and wishes) and expect God's plan to work.

God created woman to adapt. This truth is clearly seen simply in the fact that our emotions change so frequently. (wink) As a girl develops into a woman, a great change takes place. When a couple is married, change for the most part is required for wife as she adapts to a new lifestyle set by her husband. Also, God created woman with the ability to adapt so completely that she is able to carry the growing life of a baby within herself. Adaptability is part of our very nature.

The word compliance, another definition of submission, indicates elasticity and flexibility when force is applied. Now, isn't that a great example for us, ladies? Change is an inevitable part of life, especially for us as women. We would all love for life to remain as happy and simple as can be, but so many things enter our lives that throw us for a loop. We can not prevent change.

When change comes, we can respond in one of two ways: defiance or compliance. We can resist the change and be unyielding as a pane of glass, and we can in turn be shattered and hurt by the problem, hurting others in the process.

Or we can be flexible. A flexible woman is not hurt by changing circumstances and difficult situations. Like Mary (see verse above), she accepts change joyfully as part of God's marvelous plan for her life, and regardless of what hurt that change would cause, she can remain happy because she adapts with the change.

It is so important that we as God's women learn how to be flexible. Especially in regard to submitting to our authorities. There will always be things our male authorities wish that we will disagree with, but if we can simply learn to be compliant, or flexible, it will make life so much easier for both them and us. Humbleness and obedience are inseparable from compliant flexibility, and that's what makes submission such a struggle. But if we will simply agree with God and accept change as He has intrinsically enabled us to do, we will find our lives and homes are so much happier than if we sought our own selfish way.

You have two choices: You can be a stubborn mule and find satisfaction in getting your own way, or you can be compliantly flexible and find that in the end you are much happier.

3. Resignation; a yielding of one's will to the will of a superior without murmuring.  

"Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed... Do all things without murmurings and disputings:" (Phil. 2:12, 14)

When I think of resignation, I don't usually think of it in a good light. I guess that's because I've so rarely seen someone resign their wishes and plans to another with a good spirit. When I think of resignation, I think of someone saying, "Okay, have it your way!" with a sigh or a huff. That is doing the right thing but with the wrong attitude.

Proverbs tells us that a contentious man (or woman) kindles strife just as a person throws wood into a fire to feed it. We're also told that "it is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman." (Prov. 21:19) A contentious woman picks fights with her authorities. She drives peace away.

Ladies, is it your habit to be agreeable when you're told to do something, or is it your habit to bristle and argue and feel inferior? When you feel inferior, that's your problem, not your authority's problem. Inferiority has no place in a submissive heart. Submission is not weakness; submission requires strength of character. Submission is not something we are forced to do; submission is a choice.

We need so much to learn how to resign our will to our authorities with a right spirit, without murmuring and disputing (arguing). It is not enough to merely give in to the wishes and plans of our authorities; this is not complete submission. Submission is obeying even when we don't understand, when it makes no sense whatsoever, with the right heart attitude. Through obedience we get peace, the kind of peace "which passeth all understanding." You don't need to understand to be at peace. 

Obedience is always the right thing to do. We may not always have the desire to submit that we should have, but we should obey readily regardless of our feelings. It is possible to train ourselves to do that. Feelings of submission may or may not produce obedience, but obedience will in time produce the right spirit. That is simply how it works!

Submission it is simply realizing the structure of authority God has established. That means, "Wives, submit youselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." It is realizing that even if you are right and he is wrong, you are wrong and he is right. Confused? =) Let me explain. What is more important: the rightness of the matter in argument, or the rightness of God's Word? Whether he's right or you're right about such and such doesn't amount to a hill of beans. The issue is, he's right because he's accepting the authority God has given him! You're wrong to have that rebellious spirit! Would you rather he be a Wilbur Milktoast (my dad's expression =) and let you be boss? You may think that would solve the problem but believe me, you don't want that. It's far better for him to properly assert his God-given authority than to be weak and submissive to your selfish will. But when a wife chooses to obey God and submit herself, her husband has no need to assert himself, and the battle is over before it's even begun. That is God's plan in submission! It creates peace! (Please, read that over and over until you get it!) 

God's plan in commanding the wife to submit to her husband is a plan for peace. I just have to marvel at it, because it is perfect. Does that mean I like it? Not really, but the inward man knows it's right and rejoices over it! "The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart." (Ps. 19:8)

"But it still isn't fair!" you cry. Fairness is completely irrelevant! The sooner you realize that and get terms of fairness completely out of the picture, you will start to get somewhere in your attitude. Your wounded pride is not the issue, peace is the issue!

You see, ladies, Satan has a plan. He wants nothing more than to sell us his costly lies and cast doubt in our minds. "God's plan for women is unfair. You need to assert yourself or you will be hurt. Your husband doesn't deserve your respect and obedience." Lies, lies, lies!!! Our enemy wants us to believe submission is something it's not, something that will make us miserable, emotionally bruised women. He is the one who creates confusion; he is the one who plants false ideas in the minds of women; he is the one who destroys homes by discord and divorce.

Ladies, very few husbands and fathers are cruel tyrants so just stop thinking that way! Satan is the accuser of the brethren; he turns us against the very people we need to turn to. Our authorities are the very ones who will help us refute Satan's lies and live victoriously by God's plan for us.

Girls, it is so important that we learn these lessons before we are married. Our parents, especially our fathers, can give us the best training possible to one day be good wives to our men. It will make things so much easier for us if we learn how to be submissive now! Can you imagine the joy of entering marriage having already been through the struggle and having found peace in blessed submission? To have learned it so completely that it's a way of life? Some may scoff and say it's impossible, but I know it is possible with my God! Ladies, we can have that heavenly marriage. Don't let Satan convince you that there's no way. God made a way and has given it to us in His Word. If we will simply obey Him we can be blessed beyond anything we can ask or think! Marriage takes work and we need to get busy today. We need to roll up ourselves, cry out to God, and submit willingly to our present authorities.

Psalm 19:8 tells us, "The commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes." It is not until we obey God's and others' commandments that the glorious light shines in our eyes. Just like the little one who doesn't understand why Daddy and Mommy must discipline him when he does wrong, we are in the dark until we learn to simply obey. As soon as we obey, we understand the purpose and the plan -- it all makes perfect sense. As soon as a child obeys, that child understand the truth that "this is right." Even little children can have their eyes enlightened by the Word of God! Oh, we need hearts as humble as theirs.

Little of this makes sense to our natural man. These things can only be learned by the inner man, renewed by the Spirit of the Lord. Only He can teach you these things. (See I Cor. 2:10-16) Being teachable is a very great part of being submissive. It's a willingness to lay aside pride and learn the right and good way to go.  

Even if it seems impossible, I know the Lord can create a new work in you. I know, because every day He is changing my willful, rebellious heart and fashioning me into what He desires. I am so far from what I ought to be. My flesh still bristles at situations that seem unfair to me. Every now and then I find myself in the middle of an argument, and with remorse I have to catch myself and hold my tongue. I fail so often. But God is working in me and He promised to continue it! By His grace He is enabling me to be submissive. It's not something I can do by myself, but through Him I can do all things!

You can't create this needed change in yourself any more than I can, but I do know that if He can change me, He can change you. Psalm 19:7 gives us glorious hope; it says, "The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul." God has given us a perfect law, a commandment to submit ourselves. When you stop shrinking from His law as if it is something that will hurt you, and rather embrace His law, God will use His law to convert your soul. Your soul is your mind, your will, and your emotions.  Simply learn to say "Yes, Lord, yes!" He will take away the lies of Satan in your mind, replacing them with His glorious Truth. He will help you gladly resign your will to your authorities. He will even overcome your emotions and change the way you feel about submission!

We think there is nothing sweeter than the happy, willing obedience of a child that trusts his parent's judgment completely. But I believe there is something sweeter: the glad submission of a woman. Submission is not a curse. Submission blesses us like nothing else can. It is what God wants for us. In Deuteronomy 5:29, God cries out the longing of His heart, "O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children for ever!" Submission is for your own good. God wants so much to bless you! Just trust Him, and He will change you and bless you as He promised.